Let’s just start from the very beginning, a whole 7 years ago on New Years Eve in 2010. It wasn’t the first time I saw you, because you were best friends with my boyfriend. I saw you in pictures, I saw you at baseball games, I saw you own the mound, but this, this was different. This was the first time I really saw you. I’ll admit, I wasn’t the happiest person that night, because I wasn’t supposed to be there. We had other plans, but of course he did what he wanted to do. I’ll also admit, the second you looked at me and smiled, and said “Hey, I’m _____” that anger drifted far, far away.
The next month, January 2011, I broke up with your best friend. I went on to date someone else, and you became a distant memory. It wasn’t until years after that I got a friend request on Facebook. There you were. I felt my heart skip a beat and before I could take my next breath I got a message. That marked the very beginning to this roller coaster.
If I had a dollar for every time we said, “This is the worst timing” I’d be a billionaire living on an island somewhere. You always had someone and so did I, but we never strayed too far from one another. I used to watch your life in pictures, and wonder what it would be like to be her. What if I left my boyfriend? What if he left her? What if, what if, what if. But I did what you were did, nothing.
More years went by with “Hey, how are things?” every few months, until April 2016. I was lying in bed fighting insomnia, when I saw your name appear on a Snapchat story. To no surprise it was about baseball, so I immediately replied to it. I will be completely honest; it wasn’t because I cared about that baseball game. We picked up right where we left off, except this time we were both alone. That one emoji I sent to you in that snap story sparked a whole new level of us. We told each other about our insecurities, our dreams, our goals, our fears, and our demons. We even made a deal about meeting each other at the alter in four years if we were still single. It’s safe to say things felt close to perfect.
I know you’re thinking it so I’ll just say it for you… This is the worst timing
This time is wasn’t a person that was the issue. This time, it was distance. You were states away, but with us, no amount of miles would come between the bond we created.
Friday, August 2016. This was it; Finally, the night we planned for months was here. I could not wait to wrap my arms around you and I could not wait to feel your lips on mine. Unfortunately, I let alcohol get the best of me and basically ruined it. Even though I can’t recall most of the night, I remember your voice, and I remember your embrace. Pure bliss. You’ve said numerous times that you forgive me, but I will continue to apologize over and over and over again.
January 2017, here we are. You’re still there and I’m still here. We are both still single. We both go on dates with other people, and we casually tell each other how they went. Feelings are strange, you know? As much as I wish I were those ladies, and as much I want be yours, I just want you happy. With or without me.
It’s sweet to fantasize about the life we could have if we were closer. I think of what you’d look like standing at the altar. I think of us raising little athletes. I think of us throwing football parties. I think of the laughs, the cuddles, the kisses, the house, the future. You have a pure soul and a heart of gold. You deserve someone who can cherish you in ever way possible and love you to the ends of the earth. You deserve nothing less than the best.
Who knows what the future holds with us, but whatever happens, I am still holding on to that deal we made months ago.
I hope to see you in 3 years.
With so much love,