Letter To Me

“God is within her, she will not fall” -Psalm 46:5

You’re 14. You’ll know this is I, because stashed away under your bed you have that pink sparkly journal that nobody knows about. I know times are tough for you and I know you think it’s difficult to break up after 13 months. I get that you really liked him and it all just doesn’t seem fair. I’m not going to lie to you like everyone else and tell you that “this will only take a few weeks and you’ll be fine.” This one will actually take years. I see that you’re wondering each day and each night how you’ll survive, but you’ll see in time that he wasn’t right for you. I know this, because I mean look, I’m still around to write this letter to you.

You’re 18. Cheerleading ended up not working out for you like it used to. You just don’t fit in with them anymore, so you decided to work full time. You are a senior; you have a fun job, great friends, boyfriend, and a supporting family. Why do you spend so much time hating yourself? Why do you get anxiety around crowds? Well, I’ll tell you. You did this because of the fear of rejection. You are so fearful that people won’t like and accept you. It’s sad, because you have the strength in you. You just don’t know it yet, but I promise one day you will see it. Give it a few years.

You’re 20. You’ve met a guy who lights up your life more than anyone has ever before. So you think. He tells you things you’ve never heard before, and he even tells you to go look at engagement rings, but don’t get too excited, love, because two weeks after you show him the ring you found, he will tell you he’s leaving you, moving home, and that he doesn’t care if you go or stay. You think your heart can’t handle this kind of pain, but I am sorry to tell you that this won’t be the last time he breaks your heart. He’s not finished yet.

You’re 21. He left and you stayed. You hop right back on POF and Tinder, and all you’re trying to do is fill the void. You don’t sleep, and you don’t eat. You spend your days working and then you head straight to the gym. You’re talking to all the wrong guys and doing all the wrong things. Then, it happens. Your phone lights up. Him. The life in you suddenly comes back and you fall right back into his spell. You don’t even put up a fight, because your heart is so happy. He puts the most beautiful ring your finger, fills your head with all this false hope, and then? Snap of a finger, you’re right back to the position you were a year ago. You find after dedicating every ounce of you, that you are still not enough. Finally, one day you find the courage to leave.

I am so proud of you.

You’re 22. You are single. Can you remember the last birthday you spent without a guy next to you? More than likely not. You are doing everything right. You are solely focusing on you. You are finding yourself more and more every single day. You turn to God for help. You still love him and I know you probably will miss him from time to time, but this is finally your time. You have the entire world at your hands. You can do and be whatever you want to be. You had this strength all along, but you spent so much time giving yourself to everything other than you. I do not know what the future holds from here, but by the grace of God, I know you will be fine.