“The best lesson I ever learned in life came from the worst feeling I ever felt”
I remember when my therapist uttered the words “emotional abuse” for the very first time. My heart sunk deep into my stomach and the room began to spin. How could I be abused? Growing up my parents would always joke about how I would never be the girl that would ever be abused by anybody, because of how tough and independent I was. How could I have allowed this to happen and not even know it was happening?
Here’s the thing about emotional abuse. This type of abuse doesn’t leave any physical scar on your body, but it is equally as destructible as physical abuse. Emotional abuse cuts deep into one’s independence, self worth, confidence, and self-esteem. When someone is constantly chipping away your identity, it takes some time to rebuild yourself from that, and I want you to know that’s okay. You will get there.
I am going to be honest when I say that I truly did not want to believe this. I did not want to think that the person I truly loved with everything I had emotionally abused me, but then she handed me a list of signs of this abuse.
They blame you for everything (difficulties, problems, unhappiness)
They are emotionally distant
They don’t show empathy
They disregard your wants and needs
They correct your behavior
They make you feel as though you’re going insane
They point out your flaws
They belittle you
They make excuses for their behavior
They play victim
They don’t care about your feelings
I have never felt so much aggression and pain in my entire life than I did in that moment. He took all his insecurities, issues, and hatred, and gave them over to me. My voice was silenced and any of my spoken words were put aside. He manipulated me into thinking that I was crazy for feeling. One day I decided that I couldn’t keep living like this so I began putting my foot down, but he put the blame and shame more and more and more on me to the point I didn’t want to tell anyone, because I felt so embarrassed. If this is something you are going through, please speak up and save yourself.
I realized the mind is a very powerful thing. I could have easily played the abuse card, and continued to hate myself, but I didn’t. I decided to begin the process of forgiving him, because that would strip all his power away. I had to release the pain from my heart and soul. I let go of the hollow hopes and nightmares that I mistaken for enchanted dreams. I have spent the last few months making friends with myself. I am learning about what I truly want out of this life. I refuse to give any piece of me to another being until I feel completely at peace with myself. I thank God every single day that he didn’t chase me when I finally found the courage to pack my bags and leave, because if he stopped me, I wouldn’t have what I have today,