The Day I Left You I Found Myself

“When you start seeing your worth, you’ll find it harder to stay around people who don’t” 

The day I slammed our front door marked the very first day I found myself. It hit me all at once. Every mile that I drove away from you made me realize how much I was truly missing out on. People would pity me about our situation, because it is tragic to hear an ending to what looked to be a joyful engagement. For me, it was more of a major eye opener. I spent every hour of everyday being an anchor for you and I completely lost sight of the most important element of my being, my sanity.

I made the conscious decision to replace my dependence on you, with myself. I would be lying if I said I didn’t cry, because I did, I actually cried a lot. I don’t have to validate that to anyone. Want to know why? I. Am. Human. I have emotions and I know that it is healthy to release emotions when dealing with a loss. Taking a step back and looking at the big picture I know I made the best decision for myself. Everyday when I woke up I started telling myself that I can either be bitter at the world or I can get up, smile, and live this day to the absolute fullest. My choice? I chose happiness. I wasted an excessive amount of time constructing my life decisions based on your happiness. I almost left my family, friends, and the only place I have ever known just to appease your urgency. That is when I knew it was crucial for me to put myself first.

For the first time in my entire life I had to not be selfless. I had to learn to enjoy my own company. This was finally my time. Instead of putting my love into all these people I decided to take that love and fill myself up with it. It is my time to be young and stupid. I can take myself on dates, I can go to any restaurant I want to, I can travel, meet new people, learn a new language, and solely learn every nook and cranny of my being. I used to be so terrified of being alone. The thought of being alone on a Saturday night would eat me alive. I can honestly say that it has become the most empowering experience. I am not fearful to fall in love again, I would never give you that kind of power, but since I left you I have discovered a magical, colorful, and vibrant me that I never knew before. I am finally living my life under my own rules.